Where's the Beef?

Vegetarian/PETA Alert!! The following few posts will contain graphic descriptions, anecdotes, and photos of animals being killed.

It was about October or November of 2006 when Dan the Cow Man came into my office at work. “Were you serious about wanting a side of beef?” I confirmed that I was. “Okay, now there’s no backing out on me.” I assured him that I was going to take the side of beef and the lady I work with ‘J’ assured him that she would take the other half.

It was going to cost about $600-$700 for the animal and to get it processed. Basically, he tells me, you are going to get stake at hamburger prices. All right, I love stake. I need to get a freezer. We’ve got a small freezer, but I don’t think it will hold a side of beef. When do I need to get the freezer ready? November?!? Are your kidding, I’m paying $700 for beef and I want to eat it. I was expecting a month or so, but not a whole year! Hell, I want it now! I’m not really sure what I was expecting, but Dan the Cow Man buys little cows and feeds them until they are big and tasty. Once they are big and tasty, he has them killed to eat them. It takes about a year for little cows to get big and tasty. At least I would have a lot of time to find the freezer.

Now when I told my wife about this, I don’t think she was too excited about it. Actually you could say, she was just shy of being pissed. After my previous forays into bulk meat, I have to say, I couldn’t really blame her.

First there was an entire hog that I helped butcher. $80 for the hog, $40 for butchering supplies (bags, paper, etc), a weekend spent killing, skinning, and butchering the pig. Lots of fun! As I was driving home with two coolers full of pork, I thought to myself “We don’t eat pork.”

I smartened up, so the next time, when I was offered 1/3 of a cow from a coworker I asked myself the question ‘Do we eat beef?”. Yes, we eat beef! $180 for 1/3 of a cow!! That is a good deal!! I found out that what we don’t like to eat is an old cow that they are getting rid of because she (yes this was a she) was lame.

Third – no cost! Can’t beat that! Deer that a relative shot, and we butchered in a garage. Not a lot of meat, but it was free. What we don’t like is meat that you have to pick the deer hair out of the meat before you cook it.

So understandably, my wife was not too excited about the fact that I had agreed to purchase a side of beef for $600. I assured her that this was an animal that was being raised for the sole purpose of being eaten. It was being raised by a professional cow raiser. It was being raised right along side the cow that was going to be eaten by the family of the cow raiser. It was not going to get pumped full of antibiotics, steroids, hormones, or anything else that the very reliable national media has told me is going to cause my daughters to start puberty at the age of 7. This cow – Yellow tag J-13 – is being raised to taste good, be healthy, and be affordable.

Yes, we are going to have to make an investment of $600-700. Yes, we’ll get to pick what cuts of meat we want. Yes, we are also going to have to buy a new freezer. No, we don’t want a used one, it might go out and our $700 of meat would spoil. Yes, it will be processed at a meat packing plant. Yes, they are proffesional meat packers. No, we won’t have to pick any hair out of the meat. No, if the cow becomes lame, we won’t have to buy it. No, I’m not going to participate in any aspect of the raising, killing, or butchering of this animal. Yes, his name is Chuck. Yes, he lives on a farm. Yes, he is being taken care of with lots of love. Yes, he will be tasty!